Creeping Within

You have heard the cry of my heart

You know the pain I felt within me

You know and counted the endless tears I cried

All of these loneliness are not hidden before you

Realization struck my head

Living on this planet

Is not easy as floating on the water

Many pains, heartache that had come upon me

And I came to the truth

This hurt inside out

Times are running so slow

Even if I wanted it to be running so fast

Still, It’s a test of time

My heart is breaking and I dont know what to do

How to made this fade away

The battle still rage inside of me

But a glimpse of hope that I will not be alone

Many times in this battle that’s creeping within

Someone is fighting for me

He gives me strength and hope

And so, life is so much more

When I see and have it with Him

Life battle is on the road

But this will not only be me

This battle of loneliness

Will not be fought only by me

But you oh Lord will be fighting with me!

And I know I will conquer

*A Poem written on April 25, 2013 @Jakarta, Indonesia

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Rekindling a Dead Dream

I used to have a lot of dreams even when I was small. Like, the simple dream of a young girl to have a beautiful doll house and many dolls. And, it’s a dream come true when one time my mom bought it for me as a gift.

Then, I grew bigger and my dreams of having all the beautiful toys in the world faded and had changed into dreams that are more focused about my future, like to finish my college degree, pass my board exam and have a good job. Along the way I dreamed to travel around the world and visit beautiful places. I also dreamed to have my own family, to be married and have kids. Then, came dreams that are more meaningful for me, like, volunteering to help people in need. And, looking back, I have failed in some areas, but I am thankful that I fulfilled most of them.

Suddenly, I became so contented with my life and the busyness of my schedule had stopped me from dreaming. I almost forget what my dreams are and even forget to dream anymore. Maybe because at some point in my life I let my dreams be burried under discouragement, past mistakes and failures. Reflecting on this, I  felt that I am missing my life. I became so satisfied with the ordinary and with the things I have now.

Thinking about my dead dreams, I came to read an article from one of my favorite speaker Joel Osteen. He said,

It’s never too late to rekindle your passions and dreams. Life often wears you down to forget to be happy about your existence. The best thing to do to prevent yourself from wearing down to mediocre person is to trust in Jesus our Lord and Savior. Dreams never die unless you die. As long as you’re breathing and as long as you still have it, it’s never too late.

So, today, I am choosing to rekindle my dead dreams. I want to dream higher and bigger and dream more! Not to settle for less but for the best. I remember one of my favorite verses in Jeremiah 29:11 that God has a plan for me. To prosper me and not to harm me. To give me hope and a future. I will keep that in my heart and make my dreams alive once more.

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More than Makeup, Jewelries and Choosing an Outfit

(Taken from my new Women’s Devotional Bible; applied it using my own experiences.)

Like many women, each morning I wake up, pour myself a cup of hot chocolate (because now I don’t drink coffee :)), take a shower and then get ready to meet the world. I pick out an outfit (since I don’t have uniform yet), do my hair and put some powder and lipstick. Finally, I add my favorite jewelry. Voila! I think I’m ready to meet the day.

The care involved in my routines always begs these questions: How much time do I spend getting ready spiritually each morning? Do I ask God to guide me during my day? Do I intentionally read the scriptures, meditate or pray so that I can be more patient, kind and loving with all the people I deal with the rest of the day? Especially that I’m a teacher, I really needed much patient to deal with my students, who have different behaviors and attitudes. Sometimes, I am more conscious on my time because I am more worried of getting late since I travel an hour before reaching my workplace.

We all hear this phrase: Caring for our outward appearance is not wrong…as long as we don’t neglect focusing on our inner thoughts and attitudes too. In Jeremiah 2:32, Jeremiah noted that women are unlikely to forget their accessories, but we are prone of forgetting God. In the midst of our busy lives, God often gets pushed to the bottom of our-to-do-list. But if we just know the truth, that spiritual growth happens from the inside out.

Hope we can try this: Tomorrow as we shower, let us praise God for the cleansing that Jesus’ forgiveness provides. As we’re getting dressed, thank God for clothing us with Christ’s righteousness. When we pour on our moisturizer, ask God to soften our hearts to His leading throughout the day. As we put on our makeup, thank Him for being the foundation of our lives. For those wearing glasses or contacts (like me👀) let us ask God to give us eyes to see his workings in the world. And as we put on our earrings, thank Him for beautifying our lives with the fruits of the spirit.

Who knows? After talking to God throughout the morning, we might not even need hot chocolate nor caffeine!

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A book called Anything

(Today, I finished reading one of this inspirational book that turned my life upside down. I’ll be sharing some of my thoughts about it.)

Anything by Jennie Allen

Started reading this book two months ago, along the way I stopped because of busyness and maybe not really giving time. But every time I go back to read, again and again it made me cry. Cry because I was swept away by the challenges this book and this author is saying.

How is it to live a life of surrender? A time in your life when God asked you to give everything? Are you ready to give that anything to Him?

My heart breaks! Really! I don’t know if I can do it. This becomes a mirror to me, it reflects that I’m too selfish and so busy about my own things. It broke me, indeed!

Although, I heard this truth about serving and loving God over and over again but just like Jennie told in her book “Many of us have sat in Bible studies or retreats or church talking about what we want to change and how we want to change and how we want to live for God, only to go home and back to the routine of life. “

Exactly me! Honestly, it is impossible to do it on my own. A surrendered life is not easy! I’m thinking, If God asks me anything, I am just so scared if he does. What if He ask me to give up my career? My family? And all those that I love to do? I don’t know if I can take it. That is why this is life changing! A choice I need to do. Not because I have read this book; but this helps really! Not because people are doing and even dying doing it. The thing is, I need to really be motivated! Be driven with my love for Jesus.

It is only by Jesus. If I look at the cross how He carried my burden, my shame and all of my sins I see the love He has for me. It is filling my empty, selfish, bitter and hard heart. It’s filling me more and more each day. Will I let it overflow?

That is the challenge I am facing right now, will I let His love for me overflow that it can touch maybe or even at least one life? Or will I keep silent and enjoy Him on my own?

He who did not spare His son for me gave everything how can I not do the same?

Now, I don’t know if I will be taking that challenge. If I will pray the prayer of anything. But one thing I know now, I want to live the life God wants me to have, because I now understand the reason why He came into this world, because He loves all people, and for me as a recipient of that love, He wants me to share that to others. I think I am exactly where He wanted me to be and that He wants me to have that heart of obedience to that anything He asks me.

This is an ongoing obedience to the Lord, I am on progress…I sometimes fail, I know I will! But by His grace I can run this journey of obedience and courage together with Jennie and to all those great people who responded to give their anything to the master.

This is indeed a great book! A must read for those people who are eager to know what it means to live a surrendered life!

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Only Believe

I will be sharing to you my morning devotion today, from streams in the dessert devotional app.

Perhaps in your life. You say, “I do not understand why God let my dear one be taken. I do not understand why affliction has been permitted to smite me. I do not understand the devious paths by which the Lord is leading me. I do not understand why plans and purposes that seemed good to my eyes should be baffled. I do not understand why blessings I so much need are so long delayed.

Friend, you do not have to understand all God’s ways with you. God does not expect you to understand them. You do not expect your child to understand, only believe. Some day you will see the glory of God in the things which you do not understand.—J. H. McC

I love these verses about believing Jesus’ promises.

John 11:40
Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?

Romans 8:32
He who did not spare his own son,but gave him up for us all-how will he not also along with him, graciously give us all things?

I’m so glad that Jesus reminded me again that His promises are true. So this morning I challenged myself; I wrote all that He promised me and its a joy to see that I almost filled my note!

So, I would like to challenge you today to write all the things that you believe about Jesus; all his promises to you.
You can start with the phrase,
I believe that….

Happy writing! Be blessed!

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Made for more

Where do you go when your life runs out? When you’re empty? When there’s nothing left?

Sometimes we get tired of the mundane. Feels hopeless, alone and afraid.

I felt the same. But see! I believe we are made for more! We felt these things because there’s something in us that wanted to do so much more! There is something more than the ordinary life that we’re living for.

Being a teacher sometimes is tiring and it’s just like a cycle. This is my ordinary life. I do my stuff like preparing my lessons, teaching kids, attending meetings. I feel bored doing the same things every day. I felt hopeless if changing the lives and attitudes of these kids is possible. But, if I will always see the same stuff as boring and no hope, indeed it will.

So, I’m trying to change my perspective. This time, I try to see things positively. And try to make every day an opportunity to do better. To serve and maybe to be a blessing to others. For instance, during my vacant times I try to listen to my kid’s stories, they have a lot of things to say..atleast it removes the tension in class. And if I had a friend who wants to talk to me, I think just listening to them is a great help. Sending encouraging messages to friends or family member is helpful too. Especially now a days, we can use social media in a positive way. To eradicate the negative impression on social media we can use this as a tool to inspire someone.

Instead of wasting my time in watching movies that sometimes lead me to worldly thoughts and behaviors I shift to reading books, especially motivational books that will help me grow as a person. There are many available free e-books online, we don’t even need to buy them. It’s free! Thanks God to internet!

Writing journals. It is indeed helpful. Believe me! I did it and it encourage me many times. Especially when I feel discourage, when I reread my journals I felt thankful and realize I’m so blessed that I overcame many tests.

Doing arts and crafts! Many DIY stuff are available on the web, it can enhance our creativity and maybe we can do it as a gift and a hobby that can lead to making money as well.

Travel! Go hiking! This is what I love! Especially when our days had been so busy. Doing outdoor can be a lot of help. I love what John Muir said,

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, when nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.”

Travelling helps us connect to nature; to appreciate God’s beautiful creation and to people as well.

I think in today’s world, instead of being bored in life, feeling hopeless and lonely. Let’s try to engage in fun and creative stuffs! Speak out, stand out! Be an encourager! When we do that, we can be encourage as well.

We are indeed made for more! If you think you’re not. Look up to the cross! He died for you because Jesus wants you to live a free life! He even said in John 10:10,

I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly!

So in our mundane we can make a difference and we can give hope. Let’s choose to live our best!

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More than travels

At this moment I am browsing my old pictures with the adventures and travels I had especially my adventures in the mountains. I am just so overwhelmed and thankful that God had given me the chance to travel and go on an adventure.

I don’t know how this excitement to travel got into my nerves but I am sure I belong to people who are called “wanderlust” –people who have the strong desire to travel.

Some of my colleagues in school see me as quiet and simple girl (I’m not bragging here, haha! But some said that..really!) But when they found out that I’m on hiking they don’t believe that I can do that. Me either! It’s just that I choose to try maybe. And when I did! The story continues.

I know I’m just a newbie when it comes to hiking and travelling, I have a lot of friends who have gone so far and it inspires me seeing them going to places. They are amazing people!

Here’s what I learned from all those travels I had. Especially my hiking experiences.

I started my adventures in the mountain last October 2013, it is special because I made it as an escape for an argument with my former boyfriend. And then came another chance and the passion keep on.

Climbing is not easy, you sweat, sometimes you will look haggard, and you need to give your strength to it. You need to endure long hours of walks and never give up! Or else you’ll be left behind and never reach the summit. You have to be fearless too! Standing at the edge of a cliff or rock, overcoming your fear of heights, enduring the pain and expect to have bruises! But all these sacrifices are worth it!

Along the journey you’ll meet the most amazing people, people who have different stories, people who are fearless, funny and people who have faith; who believe in themselves that they can conquer and that there is so much more in store for them.

So, when I meet other people along the way, it inspires me and made me think that all of us have our own journeys, even if you’re young or old, the most important thing is you learn how to persevere and keep pushing because you know that there’s a prize awaits to the top! A wonderful breathtaking view! Just like God’s promise that He sees the big picture and He knows the plans He has for us, all we need is to trust and keep going!

One more thing, when I’m on top I can see how mighty these mountains are, how great and marvelous my God is. And how small I am. This makes me trust Him even more. He knows the big picture anyway.

And when I go down, I feel refreshed to start anew! A new dream, a new journey!

Travelling is not only an escape or so you can just say that you’ve been to these places but it becomes more because of the people you meet and the memories you have that you can treasure for a life time!

These are some of my photos in the travels I have. My more than travel adventures!

Adventures above the clouds!

Adventures above the clouds!

Mt. Batulao Adventure! One of the best mountain for me!

Mt. Batulao Adventure! One of the best mountain for me!

Rocky and Spiky mountain! In this I overcome my fear of heights. Mt. Pamitinan!

Rocky and Spiky mountain! In this I overcome my fear of heights. Mt. Pamitinan!

I'm in the wonderful crater of Mt. Pinatubo!

I’m in the wonderful crater of Mt. Pinatubo!

Clear water, Caving, Swimming and so much more. A wonderful park indeed! Minalungao!

Clear water, Caving, Swimming and so much more. A wonderful park indeed! Minalungao!